Episode Of Blonde


So, I’m feeling a little conflicted. I’ve just come home after a particularly wonderful night out, still bathed in a warm afterglow that not even a wait at a chilly bus stop could diminish. That’s not the issue. Thing is, I’m confused about where everything is going. Technically I’m still married until the judge signs off on the paperwork, but I feel single. Last night felt totally natural, as it did last week, and I’m beginning to realise just how humdrum the last 20 years were.

I was very happy to be meeting up with someone again yesterday, yet when I bumped into a couple of alums I was rather sheepish and downbeat in my response that I was going on a date. Thing is, I’m not ashamed of how this is going, but I can’t really be seen grinning about it either. I suppose once we have had our day in court, things will change and I’ll be able to be open about my life, but for now, I really don’t want to cause any ripples. We have a therapy session this afternoon, and I have to go into it, like several of the previous ones assuming that STBX knows all about what is going on. Heck, I was watching the kids yesterday afternoon because she had an appointment. She knew I had to be on my way by 5:30, but not why. I was dressed up a bit and she commented on the shirt, but didn’t inquire. Should I work on the basis that she assumed I was going on a date but just didn’t want to know? My response was that I needed a decent shirt for networking events, which is true, but I doubt she would have  been so complimentary if she had known that I was off to meet someone and was pretty darn certain that I wouldn’t be back until the next morning.

There’s another element as well. This new relationship started off on a purely intellectual level, and that was fine with me. If you can’t have an intelligent conversation with someone, why spend time with them? I’m a believer in the idea that the convoy proceeds at the pace of the slowest ship, so I had no intention of pushing things, being quite happy to follow the path and see where it led. So, imagine my surprise a couple of weeks ago when just seconds before the bus pulled up, I received a most unexpected  kiss. Not what I expected at all. Further imagine how I felt on returning home to read an email saying that she could improve on “That last thing” and would like to pick up where we left off.

Hence her  visit last week, of which I’ll say no more. So my question is this: Having stayed over, and with the likelihood of us getting together again soon, what the hell do I do now? I will admit that now I’ve gotten into the swing of this whole dating thing, I’m really enjoying meeting new people, even if it doesn’t lead anywhere. At what point does dating become a relationship? At what point does exclusivity kick in? Naturally, I haven’t asked her if she is also dating someone other than me, and to be honest, I don’t want to know.

Do I just go with the flow and enjoy it while it lasts? Is it Polarities all the way down? Send your answers on the back of a $20 bill to….


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