HARD DAY BLUES. 04/10/13
I probably shouldn’t be writing this right now. Nor should I be contemplating a drink. But hey, when did the inadvisability of doing something ever stop me before? So, today was not a good day, not a good day at all. At a recent social event I remember responding to someone asking me if I was happy with the words “Idiotically so”, and indeed I was. This joy was modified however, by the knowledge that the evening’s plans had been curtailed. I won’t elaborate further, but the initial arrangement did not have me heading back to my place that night.
That was bearable, but only just. Sorry, there are going to be a lot of short sentences, so you White and Strunk junkies are just going to have to bite your tongues.
“There’s always next time”, we tell ourselves as a salve to our bruised egos and as a way to calm our frustrations, but it doesn’t always work out like that. We arranged to meet again tonight, but you can imagine the slump in my posture as I read the email saying that again, things were not to be as planned. Imagine also the gnawing realisation on reading a later email apologising for the two previous non events and that it would be “explained”.
Not for me the usual happy if somewhat nervous anticipation as I headed out the door.. I’m sure I had a face like thunder for the whole trip. Indeed, I couldn’t sit down, such was my inability to focus and my level of nervous energy. The evening went pretty well, chatting, enjoying Happy Hour, but all the while the nagging sensation in the back of my brain as the elephant in the room somehow managed to avoid notice. I was right, of course. I’d actually said it out loud to myself before I left home, so it came as no great surprise.
It seems that there is indeed a line between dating and relationships and that I was still on the dating side of the line. She, however was already on the other side of that line. Just not with me. So, as I say, not a good day at all. In fact, it has been one of the hardest days I’ve had in quite some time, which is why I probably shouldn’t have started writing this. I do, however, need a top up.